regrets

Corn Surprise

  You know your wife has been working all day too, but it seems almost like it’s her job to cook for you.  She reminds you exactly how that plays when you ask her what’s for dinner and she says “Corn Surprise.”  You sit at the table and she brings in a bowl covered with a tea towel.  She places it in front of you, yanks back the towel and shouts, “Surprise!”  In the bowl you see 1 can of corn, emptied into the bowl, microwaved until hot, and served up in this intriguing manner.  This means next time it’s your turn to cook.

Papaw Vasco Booker’s recipe for Carp

You get a carp and clean it real good.  Make sure you split it down the middle because they have a big streak of mud there.  They’re bottom feeders and suck up a lot of mud.

Fillet the fish so you get two big slabs of meat.  (He holds out his hands about 10-14 inches apart, indicating the size of carp you’re going to want to use.)

   Now, get a plank of cedar wood.  It needs to be red cedar and it needs to be big enough to put those fillets on.  Lay ‘em out right on top of the wood there, then sprinkle some salt on them, and some black pepper, and a couple of slices of onion.  Put a pat of butter on top of each fillet, then put the whole thing in the oven for about 45 minutes.

  Now once you get them out of the oven, take a deep sniff.  They smell great, all those onions and butter and all cooked together.

Finally, scrape the fillets into the trash and eat the cedar plank.

The Dallas Nightclub (cocktail)

   Say you’ve been out with friends having drinks.  You come back to the house you’ve been staying at and really want a nightcap before you go to bed.  Dig around through the cabinets till you find that the only booze in the house is Evan Williams Bourbon.  Thank the stars that it wasn’t Kentucky Gentleman.  Search fruitlessly for a mixer, since you don’t really like bourbon very much.  Almost give up, then you discover a package of Rocket Pops, those tri-colored popsicles, in the freezer.  Pour a double shot of bourbon into a highball glass.  Drop in a rocket pop and stir it around, using the stick for a swizzle.  Crunch up the Popsicle in the alcohol and sit in front of an infomercial on television while you choke it down.  Wonder how your life ended up like this.

The Kiss Off (cocktail)

It’s a colleague’s last day at school.  He is regretfully leaving town due to the demands of a messy divorce and a special needs child.  Everyone needs something to make the whole process seem more celebratory of new opportunities than a moment of sad parting.

Dig through the kitchen looking for something to toast with.  Find a bottle of coco ron (coconut rum), a bottle of mineral water, a bottle of cranberry juice.  Mix a shot of the rum, three shots of cranberry, and all the mineral water it takes to top off the glass.  Stir once.  Be surprised at how good it is.  Maybe things aren’t so bad.  Salud!

The Mr. D
3/4 bottle of Brandy in a flower vase.  Add a 16oz coke.  Enjoy.